等待

我們遇見了﹐又忘記了。
忘記了﹐卻又再遇見。
你我的人生就交集於遇見與忘記之間﹐直到某一秒﹐當花火燃起的時候﹐我們便不需要再流離。
這一刻的相遇﹐將會是永恆的邂后﹐那花火成了烙印﹐刻在你和我的手心中間。
奈何﹐這一秒需要極之漫長的等待。

The smell of smoke

I just came back from a pub. I smell like smoke. This smell is familiar. I used to have that smell all over my fingers, hair, clothes and... everything. I loved this smell! I remember that I always smelled the smoke through my fingers when I was at some smoke-free areas. This smell had been surrounding me for 8 years, every day and night.
2 years ago, I was saved. I had quitted cigarettes, alcohol & drugs. Living a new life, it feels refreshing. In one month, I quitted all bad things that I was addicted to... something that represented myself. Flashing back, it's really amazing. God renews me. I don't remember any difficulties during the quitting process. It was so easy. The addictions were just gone all of the sudden. It was like a mircale to me. Yup, God did a mircale on me... well, this is acutally only a little one out of the many.

What's going on w/ me?!

Finally, I am burnt out from serving. I am afraid to serve... I feel very lonely. I have decided to quit my co-ordinator position in online talk show. Things are losing apart. I cannot find any support or help... At the same time, I am very disappointed about myself becoz I cannot perform a good leader's function... all kinds of things added up have driven me crazy. *argh*
I feel extremely insecure now. Life is changing. I don't know what to do and how to rely on Him. I don't see God around me now. Is He hiding from me?! Y is He not here when I am weak in servings and changes?! I am thirst!! Oh God, please find me here!! I am dried and cracked.
The following song was written by me for last year's winter retreat. It reminds me about the faithfulness and trust that I had in Him... I hope that I will get out of this "lonliness trap" soon.

Jesus is the way (music by Kabie Lee)

I’m blinded by this world that filled with mysteries.
Why do people cheer for what Satan has done?
I looked up a map to see where’re the dreams and hopes.
This fragile heart has lost in His way.

Oh Lord, you find me here, towed by the darkness.
You took off my blinds and now I can see.
Victories belong to you when you died on the cross.
I’ll celebrate your grace everyday.

Thank you for your sacrifice.
I’ll praise you all my life
I’ll stand to defend for your name
And I’ll spread your words to the world, “Jesus is the way!”

Meant to be

Lily is leaving next week. I don't understand y does our Father has to set His sons and daughters apart. He commands us to love each other; but, y does He make us to say farewell now?!
Before I became a Christian, I understanded that this is the reality. I knew and could live with it because I didn't know love. Now, God teaches me what love is. So, I can't wave good bye easily to my dearest brothers / sisters and move on to our lives in our own ways. It feels terrible.
This is difficult. But I know it's not because God doesn't make our lives happy and perfect. Yes, living on Earth is tough. It's because I am meant to be created for the heaven. "I am here on earth for just a little while." (Psalm 119:19) Therefore, ".. we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Freedom

Last night, I went to a worship that led by Hillsongs United Life. They came all the way from Australia and held this worship as an offering to God. Their faith really amazes me. They temporarily left their regular jobs for this trip and are not paid at all. Although this seems very challenging and "risky", they step out purely with faith. Besides witnessing their faith, I also see the freedom inside them. They rejoiced in the worship and excited about the awesome God. They are free!! Nothing holds them back. Looking back to wb concert, we were very worried and fustrated about the concert, such as run down, sound system, bugets, helpers, audiences etc. How come we couldn't experience freedom in servings sometimes?
This worship reminds me to step out with faith again. God will set me free from the chains. Last nite, the youth pastor said, "If you focus on Him, He will focus on you."

God turns it around.

After few days of emotional depression, I am all happy again. haha.
When I woke up yesterday morning, the first thing came to my mind: "umm...I was very upset last night. How come I don't feel the same now? The feeling has gone?!" Then, I tried to think about the things that made me upset. But, I couldn't recap any sad feeling at all. I have no idea why... Is this because of my prayers? or my tears?? Spiritually speaking, I can say that it's the power of prayers. Hoever,it's not really that "supernatural", it's only from emotions... it's human natures. But, think about it... emotions are part of God's creations as well. He makes happiness, sadness, anger... We will not always at the same mood. We will never stuck at one dead end. Bad time turns good. Smooth paths turn rough and challenging. This is the way how we experience life. This is the time when we embrace God. We view the recovery of hard times as a part of human natures or a stage of life; actually, it is God who turns it around. It's Him who creates what we call "human natures" or "stages of life".

Friends

Friendships are a blessing of God. I think I have taken it for granted sometimes.
I used to think that when I treat one with sincere, then the friendship will bloom. But, it's not true all the time. Some may take it for granted or may even step back. It doesn't feel good at all when someone does this.
Now, I realize that every thing that I have has to be relied on God. Friendship... we have to pray for God's blessings. And of coz, we always have to be thankful for all the friendships that have "clicked" as well.

I'll miss you....

Tonite, I went bowling w/ few brothers. It was so much fun. It feels very good bowling with them; since I am not good at it, they often teach me and encourage me. I feel that I am their "little sister". I love that~
But when I got home, my emotion button was pressed all of the sudden, and my tears just pour out badly. I missed the fun with my bro and sis so much. I miss jan. We used to be the "crazy buddies" in the bowling games (actually...all kinds of activities). And now, lily is leaving in 2 weeks. 1 month later, benny is leaving as well. 2 of my closest brothers are going soon... I just can't take it at this moment.
Everyone moves on. The world is changing; and human beings have to keep up their paces. But our brothers and sisters relations will never change. Moreover, I will not change too! I am sure that forever I will be the crazy gal screaming every single time when I hit a strike! =)

Summer school started

Summer school has started yesterday. This will be the last summer in my student life (I guess and I hope so). Realizing that I won't have any more summer holidays in the future years, I feel kinda upset. The reality is telling me that I will be moving to the next stage of life. *argh*
Last week, when I started my another part time job, ppl asked me y would I need 2 part time jobs. I thought, "Who doesn't want to be a mommy's girl?"
Yes... this is reality.... sounds pretty sad eh?! But no matter how reality tears me apart, forever I will be our Father's "daddy's girl".

This is life by Tehilla Toronto

I come in empty, and I leave filled
Bring my sickness and I leave healed
Broken-hearted, you mend every piece
Come in empty, and I leave free

You are all over
You are around
You are inside
This is life, this is life

Whitebase Concert 2004

Whitebase concert 2004 was finally finished in cheers and applause. It was such a great success... Tons of thanks and praises to our Father~
Looking back to the past month, everyone was stressed, tired, busy with the preparation. Some of us even experienced attacks. I remember that in the early April, there was some problem with my eye. My sight was blurry. I had headache and felt tired all the time. I thought I couldn't finish the presentations for the concert. I was very fustrated. Brothers and sisters gave me lots of supports through prayers. Finally, my eye was recovered in about two weeks. Then, two weeks before the concert, I caught up with the wb presentations which I had felt behind a lot. At last, one week before the concert, I completed 3 presentations. On the other hand, I had to co-ordinate 2 skits for concerts as well. Following up with scripts, casting characters, arranging practices, meeting up with wb... wow... drove me crazy....
The preparations really took me lots of energy and time. Afterall, they're all worthy. Once again, every brothers and sisters' passion in serving is on fired. We all served with one united vision. We treat each other with love, supports, cares and patience. I am sure that this is a memorable life + spiritual experience. Thank you, Father.

My first tutoring job

Tdy, I started my first tutoring job. It was a great experience. Nowadays, kids are very smart. They have their own computers, msn... so cool. But afterall, kids are still kids... they have simple minds.... so lovely. We know kids' thoughts and motivations. That's just like our Fathers knows every thoughts of ours too. Although we do something wrong sometimes, God always forgive us. This is like what we always say when kids create troubles: "It's ok. They are innocent." God says the same! Here is a quote that I really like: "He is sadden by our sins, but He is not suprised by it." by Robbie Castleman.

Blessings 2

I am not a mathematic person. When counting, of course I'll use the simpliest way: my fingers. Today, I was trying to count my blessings. After counting to ten, I looked at my two hands and said, "wow, I am full of blessings!" (because that's the maxium already).
How do other ppl count? with calculator, fingers & toes, mables?? No matter what methods are used, I am sure simpler minds ones are more blessed.

Blessings

Blessings is not about how much you gained or recieved from God; it's about how much you realized His presence.

Kel's Baptism

Today is my sister's baptism. I remember that she got saved just few months later I became a Christian. Now, her spiritual life has ripen. I praise and thank God for pouring His grace unto our family. How big the chances are that the whole family could be saved within one year and began with new lives fruitfully?! God is so good to me and my family. His words always true and unchange. Whenever we come to God with our sins and testify His name, He will give us blessings that we can never imagine. God says, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 神所賜出人意外的平安、必在基督耶穌裡、保守你們的心懷意念。Philippians 4:7 Praise the Lord~